Light Humor

[tnheygirl]

The Pre Nuptial Agreement
I, the undersigned, a female accepting a marriage proposal, agree that..

Section 1. In the unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after you've
drunkenly rolled on top of me and pumped away for five whole minutes,
wheezing like an old man with emphysema, I shall politely fake one.
Section 1.01 And it'll be a really good act too, with me saying stuff like
"So THIS is what hot monkey love is all about!" and howling like a cat
that's being repeatedly jabbed with a pin.
Section 1.02 I will never ask for more foreplay.

Section 2. I fully understand that a woman's main role in any relationship
is to take the blame. So when you stub your toe in the bathroom or your
football team loses, I agree that - by some complex scientific equation
incomprehensible to woman - it will be my fault. Even if I wasn't there.

Section 3. Whenever my friends and I get together for a girl's night out, I
will tell them that you are better hung than a large-balled Himalayan yak,
and an elephant would jealous of your genitalia.
Section 3.01 I shall mention often your sexual prowess and longevity in the
bedroom.
Section 3.02 And I will also mention this to YOUR friends. A lot.

Section 4. After sex (which I will NEVER refer to as "making love"), I will
not expect you to cuddle me for hours till your arm goes dead. Nor will I
let my hair annoyingly get in your face.
Section 4.01 I will never, ever give your penis a "cute" nickname.

Section 5. In bed, I will be as keen as mustard to try any novel sexual
position you fancy. Especially ones where I do all the work and you just lie
there, grinning.
Section 5.01 I will ruthlessly interrogate my attractive female friends and
inform you if any of them have the slightest bi-sexual tendencies. Then I'll
invite them around for dinner. And hide their car keys so they have to stay.
Section 5.02 I promise to work out at the gym for two hours a day in order
to keep my body sexually desirable to you, even though your intake of beer
may cause your gut to swell to proportions of a nine-month pregnancy.
Section 5.03 I promise never to bring up your hair loss and the fact that a
baby's butt and/or honeydew melon is somewhat similar.
Section 5.04 I promise to shave every possible inch of my body, and will
always love your weekend beard...

Section 6. After we split up, I will never sleep with any of your friends or
colleagues. Or anyone else you have ever met. Or may one day meet. And if
men attempt to talk to me, I will solemnly inform them that you have "ruined
me for other men".
Section 6.01 I understand that mechanical objects like cars, computer
games, and remote control devices are beyond the comprehension of women. I
will only make a fool of myself if I attempt to operate them, so you're in
charge of anything mechanical.
Section 6.02 With the exception of the following household items: iron,
washing machine and dryer, stove, refrigerator, garbage disposal, garbage
can, vacuum cleaner, diapers and toilets.
Being of sound mind and body, I enter this relationship contract.

[archive_FitnessChick]

[img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif[/img]

[Temple]

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

[blueyedkowgrl]

[img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif[/img] cute!!

[archive_Ulter]

I suppose it could be funny. I don't know why Ula sent you our agreement though.

[WarLobo]

LOL.... I think we need a clause stating that women will always change diapers....

LAte

Lobo

[skydancer]

[img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]

-----
Those who dare to fail miserably, can achieve greatly. - R.F. Kennedy

[blueyedkowgrl]

warlobo i would change all the infant diapers in the world as long as the man changes the ones after they start to eat real food. Damn those are the bad ones!!lol [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif[/img]

[Temple]

LOL @ Ulter!!!
and Lobo - diapers are no big deal, just wait til she gets sick and barfs all over ya!!!!

[blueyedkowgrl]

the first time my daughter spit up on me i was so startled! you forget that it's going to be warm like that!! lol "ahh ode to spit up" the scent of all new parents! lol you know your a parent when you leave the house with spit up on the shoulder of your shirt! 'cause you know all babies are allergic to the smell of clean clothes. it never fails you put on a clean shirt and up comes his/her last meal!!!!