Gimme Shelter

[archive_Bjaarki]

Okay, I have a tough one here for you, lads. You've always been helpful to me before, so let me see what you can do for me with this one.

Here's your problem: You've been lifting 2 hours a day, 6 days a week, for 5 years. You love lifting almost as much as you love sex; I mean, if you had to choose between giving up lifting or pulling out all your teeth right this minute, then lemme just hand you the pliers, bro, you'll be taking your meals from a blender from here on out, you dig whey shakes anyway. Now, you've just finished your first cycle, you've put on 20 pounds of muscle and you're strong as shit. Hell, man, you feel like King motherfuckin' Kong, handling iron you were only dreaming about last year, while you price out a big Spring Cycle. Now, you have a long talk with your woman about this passion of yours; she never compliments you on your size or how good you look and, frankly, you'd really dig it if your girl would give you some props for all the balls you're bustin' in the gym every day. But do you know what she tells you in this big heart-to-heart you have? She says, "Yeah you're really big, but ... [quizzical look] ... I'm not sure I like you this big." Your jaw drops. Say WHAT? "I'm pretty intimidated by your size. You're ... SCAREY, baby!." Oh shit, c'mon now, honey, I'm a goddamned MARSHMALLOW compared to the guys I train with. No no, she's not there. "I'm not sure I can get to you anymore, it's like you're 'encased' [her word] in muscle. That's why I don't compliment you. I don't want to encourage you to get bigger. You're too obsessed with it." Oh man. Man oh man!

Well, that's right, sure, obsessed, but I mean: Why the fuck do you think I'm DOING all this, babe? So I can be a HUNK to you! Kevin Spacey said it in "American Beauty": "I just wanna look good naked." And NOW you gimme THIS??? Fuuuuuuuck!!!! And this is no "take it or leave it" sitch, brothers. This gal is your wife of 20 years, the mother of your brood of kids, an incredibly passionate, complex, perceptive, talented, gorgeous BABE who can get you hard with just her big green eyes, the glowing vital center out of which everything good in your life has grown. Believe it, boys. A hookup like this can happen.

Now, like I've said a million times, I'm no monster. I'm 6'0", weighed 211 this morning, just tested out at 12% bodyfat. That's a long fuckin' way from being huge. Oh, sure, I'm pushing 50, I look one hell of a lot better than just about anybody else I know my age, I look in the mirror at the gym and I see a pretty muscular, trim, youthful looking guy, looks somewhere between a geek professor and a REALLY novice bodybuilder. Nice looking arms, shoulders, thighs are okay, a little lat spread comin' along and some good trap development. But intimidating? No fuckin' way! But even so, I've got all these goals, see, that I want to hit by my 50th birthday later this year: Squat 350 ass-to-grass for reps, MP 185 for reps, bar dip with two wheels on a chain harness, all that. Plus, weigh a hard 220. That's it, man. A chiseled 220. How many guys do you know, honey, who, starting out at 144 pounds dripping wet 5 years ago, would shoot for that balloon when they're 50 fuckin' years old, for Chrissakes? You don't know it, babe, but I've been scheming this up for years, all these goals, like the Attack on Pearl Harbor or something. Just like planning and routing my career, no different, planning it all in detail, right down to the last rep, protein bar and pinstick! And I know I can DO it, or pretty goddamn close! 220? Fuck yeah! "But I liked you best kinda medium." Medium? "I really loved your body when you weighed, oh, 185." You SURE???? You're really, REALLY EXTRA GODDAMN SURE 'bout that? Shyly, resignedly, without a trace of a smile now. "Yes. I'm sure. You weightlifters just don't understand that most women don't LIKE bodies as overdeveloped as yours." Overdeveloped? Over-fuckin'-deVELoped? "It's true, we really don't," she says, with the ultimate finality.

Fuck! Fuck!Fuck!FUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!

There's your problem, brothers, now all you guys gather round. E2, Ulter, Bchemist, Decaman, 1911, Fukkenshredded, BadBrains, GymRatSD, New Man, Luv2Lift, all you guys. Gimme shelter, my brothers. Tell me what you'd do in this situation. This one has just got my ass in a clamp!

Bjaarki

" 'Til the weard of the world, stands, unforgotten,
high under Heaven, the Hero's name!"
Hrolff Krakki's Saga (Iceland)

BECOME SOMEONE'S HERO

[This message was edited by Bjaarki on 01-15-2001 at 06:14 AM.]

[This message was edited by Bjaarki on 01-15-2001 at 06:17 AM.]

[Anabolicum Mr.]

Achieve your goals, you're not that far off. After that you can always drop back down to 185 if you want. That's the easy part. [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif[/img]

[bad brains]

My take on this, and I've only been married for 6 years, well 6 in June if we make it that long..I got into this game for me, not for anybody else including my wife, its all a personal thing for me, I want to get bigger so I can see that I am bigger, I dont do this to impress fucknuts on the street or in the gym , like my sig says "I against I, always has been always will be, if I can impress myself(which I havent yet) I will be happy and satisfied, but I will never do that.My wife says she doesnt like the veins or the fact i'm getting bigger, this sounds bad, but fuck her, this is who I chose to be, its who I am now, take it or leave it, I cant change, I wont change, not for her or anybody else, I want to be the best that I can possibly be, and I'm a long ways from it, but it keeps the fire in me lit, burning out of control...I know I'm not alone , and I realize that I am selfish in this quest, but I cant concede defeat because of someone elses opinions, then I would not be true to myself...Sorry for the long rant but I needed to get that off of my chest, remember Bro's, its "I against I"........and bjaarki, always be true to yourslef Bro, do whats right for you.....

I against I.......H.R. Anger is a gift...Zack(RATM)

[This message was edited by bad brains on 01-14-2001 at 09:12 PM.]

[archive_Bchemist]

There is not a heterosexual woman alive that would not want a Mike O'Hearn or an Antonio Sabato Jr. But women know this about themselves and they will therefore fear the looks that other women will give when their man becomes "too" desirable. In my trips to Japan, Korea, and the Philippines, I would typically hook up with some girl the first night I was there. I would end up spending a few days with her while I did the things that I needed to get done while I was there. In those countries, people STARE and make comments about someone who is different. Every girl that I have ever been with there would hear and see this and thus get really upset and try to make me wear baggy clothes. Here people are much better at hiding their interest and you can never really tell how you rate in society as far as being the "alpha male". So I learned alot about what women are really thinking when I was there. It doesn't matter where they were born....women are women. They all compete with each other 100 fold more than men, and they tend to get very jealous and insecure. So I interpret your wifes comments as a fear of you losing interest in her if other women are presenting you with opportunites.

In the words of the immortal Chris Rock, "Men are only as faithful as their options."

Women know this.

[archive_Ulter]

B, Forget everything she told you. Really. She means what she said but that will change in a few months from now. You just put on 20LBS in a matter of weeks. She is looking at you and saying, "who are you and what did you do with my husband". It's fucking scary when you wake up with someone who "didn't look like that yesterday". My wife blew up so fast on Ox that I would look at her shoulders from behind in the morning, and no this is no shit, think I am sleeping with a guy. aaahh It was very unnerving. I'm ok with it now, but I kept looking at her trying to adjust to it in my head, and I KNEW why she changed. Imagine your poor wife, she has no idea why you changed so fast.
Get to where you want to be and stay there for a while. After several months you will look "normal" again because she will get used to you being that size. Don't get too stressed over this yet. She will be fine. Trust me.

[E2]

Sadly i too am in the same situation. I've never found a woman who appreciated my mass, every girl i've ever been with wants me to be smaller. They don't understand no matter what i say or how hard i try to explain these things to them, they never seem to understand at all.

I constantly get, 'you looked a lot better a couple of years ago', speaking about when i had my sugury and i didn't work out for 3 years and was down to 170!!! No joke!! God 170! When I look at pictures of myself back then i'm disgusted, i don't know how anyone could find that appealing.

I really don't know what to do, i'm a little better of as these girls are just girlfriends and i may find that one one day who loves me for everything i am and do.

I really wish they could appreciate the work, time and effort that goes into sculpting a body.

[archive_1911]

Bjarrki,

I am envious of your dilemma on two fronts. First, the recent gains / personal satisfaction you have you have achieved are to be commended. I am not experiencing that euphoria (life changes sometimes “get in the way” of the best laid plans, but that’s my problem and another thread). Second, and most importantly, I cannot legitimately provide a credible response to a man in your position, as I am not in an exclusive relationship. A person that can openly communicate his or her feelings for a significant other like you have in this thread does not warrant a response from someone living a lifestyle like mine. I do not have much credibility these days with respect to long-term relationships. I had a 7+ year marriage end in early 92’ and, I “totally blew it” with the only lady that ever made me feel the way you do about your wife in mid-98’. That said; I’ve reverted to an immoral, irresponsible and selfish existence that would result in me providing you with a biased opinion (As a side note, I’m extremely satisfied with my life, heh heh). I will provide the following input for what it may be worth:

I believe Ulter’s comments about “letting some time pass” to allow her to acclimate is sound. Timing is on your side now that you have reached the post-cycle phase. I would suggest using this to your advantage by demonstrating an effort to slightly reduce the number of sessions you put in on a weekly basis and allocate the “extra time” to the lady specifically. The reason I say this is the comment she made to you “You're too obsessed with it.” Find a way to alleviate this concern of hers (perception or reality is irrelevant, this is what she is thinking).

Additionally, make yourself more available (in public or around her peer group when possible) so that she has an opportunity to “show off” the stud she’s married to. Even though she is adjusting to the new you, there is I’m sure a desire on her part to generate that envy wives seem to covet so much. At the same time, you will be proving “she is still the most important aspect of your life.”

As I said earlier, I am in no position to give advice but I will say this. (Opinion only here bros – don’t beat on me) You must find a way to balance you’re BB’ing goals (i.e. physical changes) with what she deems important if you want to continue to grow what you have over the past 20+ years. You don’t need me to tell you this but “it’s just too easy to let personal objectives get in the way” of a good relationship. In my case, career moves and “growing the portfolio” skewed my judgment. Even when I saw it coming I was too stubborn to change. Don’t end-up in a position like mine, you have too much.

Lastly, my selfish response is this, “I would let nothing get in the way of my objectives, but I lead a solitary existence as a result.”

Later,

(Pardon any grammatical / spelling errors, been working all day and I’m beat. I hope this reply makes sense.)

[archive_Caligula]

Ulter, you took the words right out of my mouth. He's right...she just needs to get used to it. That is why when you blow up real quick during a cycle that you feel big and then much later down the road after you have shrunk down and are still bigger than before...you feel small. You get used to each aspect and it makes change feel abnormal. I remember when I was coming out of highschool. I was 5' 10" and weighed 121. I would have given anything to weigh 145. Now I weigh 180 and am getting ready to start another cycle. When I weighed 121...145 seemed huge...now it seems very, very tiny. Once she gets used to your weight you will seem normal...if you went back to 185 a while from now, she would ask you if you were not eating properly.

"That Which Does Not Kill You Makes You Stronger"

Curious

[Badkins21]

Now I'm not married, but will hopefully be soon (plan on proposing next Christmas), and have the type of girlfriend that says, "I liked you when you were fat, I liked you when you were a pole, and I like you now (about 185, 9% on a 5'7" frame)."

It's like a paradox we're both in...we both need some acknowledgement of all this hard-earned muscle we're building, the fat we're burning, and the mindset that's getting us there...

I say first and foremost, communicate, let her know these goals you have and most imporantly, WHY YOU HAVE THEM!! Try to get her in the gym with you sometime, show her how good it feels, maybe she might even get into it...

That's all I can think of off the top o' my head, 'til next time... [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]

Gig 'em, B$...

"Why, they ask?? Because there's nothing I fear more than being ordinary...!"

[archive_Mr. Nobody]

I have been happily married for 13 years, complete with 2 children. I met my wife, when I was young, but was working out already. In our relationship we came to a profound understanding early on, that this obsession of mine of getting bigger every year, is part of who I AM. Knowing that, everything else fell into place. So, if your wife has objections about what you are doing, then let her know, that their is NO COMPROMISE in that field. But you can and should make consessions elsewhere, which is a very important part of the equation.
Thanks to me, my wife and children have a wharped sense of what is normal. By that I mean, that even my children regard normal athlets as skinny, which is just too funny to me.
And on top of that you make your wife and children feel safer (at least in my family)
I am 6'3 at 290, 11%bf. Never be satisfied, or as Arnold says: Stay Hungry!

[Windec]

Bjaarki,

Although I can't really add anything useful to the very good advice you have already gotten from the others, let me congratulate you on what sounds like a really outstanding marriage (the current difference of opinion notwithstanding.) Very, very few people are ever blessed with a truly great marriage, to a woman who makes them feel as you say your wife makes you feel.

So, be sure to keep firmly in mind that you already have the hardest part handled!

Good luck!

[DREXX]

She will get used to it.

Believe me!

I have been with my fiance for 7 years. My weight went from 125-205lbs.

Know I can 10lbs and she doesn't even notice [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif[/img]

Your wife is probably scared you will lose interest in her as you reach physical perfection. Re-assure her. Show her you are the same person.

I am sure if she loves you she will support you. Just let her get used to all the new mass

If it's not hard it's not worth doing...

[tyrant]

SIXTY SEVEN pounds is a tremendous ammount of muscle which has totally transformed and redefined your body.The discipline of training has revealed a facet of your character which was previously unknown . The war we wage against the aging process and the passivity of modern existance is incomprehensible to most of those around us. The realization we will never be totally satisfied with certain aspects of our physical condition like size or strength sows the seed of fear in those who do not share in this struggle. To these others the manifestation of a warriors victory, even if it is only over himself, generates some subtle yet undeniable psychological responses including respect, fear, and submission. Respect for the effort, fear of that which is unfamiliar, and submission in the face of ones physical superior. The only real path towards better understanding is to bring your wife into this endeavor as a full partner. If this is not possible it may be an unavoidable source of disagreement so every means of persuasion should be employed to at least have her train for six weeks or so before making a judgement whether or not to continue. Beautiful women become more so with training and healthier in the years to come with only a few added pounds of muscle and the increased bone density from anaerobic resistance work. As my father, the former Marine, used to say GUNG HO which translated from one of the Pacific Islander languages means WORK TOGETHER.

Well my friend Bjaarki----as you know, you and I have had some discussions on this subject over ICQ recently. As I am not married or in your situation, it’s hard for me to fully understand all the dynamics here, but you are between the old “rock and a hard place”. In the past, I said that you might have to temper your BBing goals or think about further use of gear to protect your marriage---(and eventually Mrs. Bjaarki will figure out you’re using something. She may be naïve at this point, but she will get clued in at some point. I don’t think you can hide your gear use forever. One day she’s gonna see those needle marks on your ass.) You’ve previously given me a little insight into your wife’s personality and that personality makes it all the harder to satisfy everyone. You are a strong willed and driven man. I’m guessing compromise doesn’t come easily in your house? I’ve said this before, but it is my honest observation that you have been living in a “Jekyll/Hyde” world for months now. There’s the loving devoted family man I first got to know last Summer who enjoyed lifting and was thinking of MAYBE using some gear someday to see what would happen, but he was sort of afraid of the whole thing. Now I see more and more the self-absorbed bodybuilder who found gear and tries to justify his current “lifestyle” as needing to be big and strong for his kids and be a stud for his wife. Maybe, but there’s more to it than that and we both know it. I did mention to you last week that I believe you must decide on your priorities and do what is best for your wife and kids first, even if it means taking a different approach to your BBing efforts. Bodybuilding is great and we all share a passion for it in different degrees, but your passion has become obsession, in my opinion---an obsession that is distancing you from your wife. (there I go playing “arm-chair shrink” again.).
So, Mrs. Bjaarki doesn’t like the new “big” you? Dude, you’ve had years to get to know what she likes/dislikes. Don’t be so shocked now that she is not 100% in love with your new size. And you know what, despite what some of the other bros are saying, chances are she won’t ever learn to like the big new you. Why does she have to like what you want in your physical being? Maybe too she doesn’t like all the time you may be taking from being with her and your kids to spend 2 hours a day in the gym trying to impress the young honeys? Is she a little jealous of the relationship you have with the gym? And hey, somebody please tell me what’s wrong with being 195-200 and ripped????? Your conversation with her and its revelations should be a “wake up call” to evaluate and adjust your long term family goals. So what, if you’re not the biggest, baddest 50yo stud in the gym? Only one who cares is you. Your need to impress the young bucks and babes at the gym with your lifting abilities isn’t doing your family life any good from what I can tell.
There are a lot of things going on here bro----more than any of us can understand, but YOU have to find that balance between your new “lifestyle” as the iron busting, juice loving gearhead while also being the devoted family man who treats his marriage as a close partnership and cares MOST about that. Anyway Bjaarki, you know me and my nature of “moderation in all things”, so at times we don’t agree on a lot. Like you say, I’m a fairly “centered” guy and try to keep a realistic perspective on life. My comments here are based on our ICQ friendship. That’s all I know and, of course, I don’t have the full picture. I only know what you’ve expressed to me and how I’ve interpreted it or perceived it.
Sorry, just wrote this as it came out of my head and it’s a bit of a ramble. As a friend, I would just say that you need to think more about life’s long term priorities and what is really important. I think you’ve gotten way too caught up in all the mystique of the world of juice and not paid enough attention to “reality” at home. Sorry my friend if this seems a little rough, but I wouldn’t be a friend if I didn’t express my honest thoughts to you in an effort to help. There’s balance to be achieved here…..a little fine tuning with your life and all will be good.
In friendship,
L2L

"When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced.
Live your life in such a manner that when you die the world cries and
you rejoice."
Indian Proverb

I think the only time I have ever written anything about my family (I am protective on the internet) is in "The ultimate girlfriend wife post". My marriage is special and I just don't talk about it much in cyberland. 11 years and hopefully many more to come.

Body building and gear is a new passion for me at 39. But when we got married I was obssessed and had been for many many years with martial arts. Not just mildly. I had done it since I was 10. I have been in or written articles for just about every martial arts magazine on any English speaking continent. Did something aking to "cage matches" years before anyone in the USA had heard about the Gracies. When we got married she wuld go to bed and I would be perusing some martial videos, she would wake up and I would be reading a magazine, she would come to the office and I would be on the phone with some other martial artist, many nights I would go to BEGIN training with some martial artists around 10:00 at night. At first when dating she thought it was neat, but after being married awhile she hated it. And let me know it in no uncertain way. I did not want to give it up.

She got hit by a car and it ruptured her lungs and broke her left leg in over 30 pieces. She was in the hospital and I was by her bed and it was one of those tender moments *sniff* and I told her that if she wanted me to I would completely give it up for her. I meant it and think I could have lived by it. But she told me "no". She decided that if it made me that happy she wanted me to do it.

But I had her come to class with me when she wanted. When I traveled away for a seminar I often had her come with me. When it was bed time I did not stay up to do anything with martial arts.

I think all she wanted to know was she was more important than martial arts. Over the last couple years martial arts have faded in attraction for me, as inexplicably as they originally enticed me. Perhaps it is some of the debilitating injuries I have had from car wrecks etc.

Jealousy and worry about an extra marital affair may be possibilities as Ulter mentioned (Damn, Ulter. Your woman does AS? Geez, you da man). I know many women get worried if their man starts really paying attention to his looks when he is middle aged (middle aged crisis and time for an affair with some young hottie).

I bet if she knows in what ever way you need to let her know that nothing comes before her she will then be okay with you doing whatever

[GymRatNYC]

It looks as though the bros here have given some very, very good suggestions, and I hope you use them. I just have one to add:

Ask her for her support.

Bring up moments in your 20 year relationship where you have supported her in decisions that possibly you didn't think was in her best interest, yet you supported her through them simply because you're her husband and you love her (or at least I hope so... [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif[/img] )

Best of luck, and keep your goals.

[archive_Bjaarki]

Brothers, this has become a pretty thoughtful thread. It's been helpful to me, so I want to respond to all the posts. But I wanted right away to respond to Luv2Lift, for there are very large elements of truth in what you say, my friend, though it was hard for you. I appreciate the difficulty of expressing truth as you understand it, L2L, and respect you all the more for it. The best friends are the ones who tell you the truth, even if it's still got the bark on.

It's pretty clear that you don't share my depth of passion for iron. You're right, I'm obsessed and you're not. But, hey, guys get obsessed about a lot worse things than lifting and gear when they hit mid-life. Guys I know my age who are obsessed? Well, it's usually about their Classic '64 'Vette T-tops, or some problem between their 30-something girlfriends and their 20-something kids. I'm faithful to my wife, and I drive an old Sentra. So I get addicted to iron, in deep enough to shoot gear? I don't apologize. Why not? Because I know that what I'm putting my body through now will have very long-term positive payoffs, for 10 years, 20 years, who knows? I'll scan and email you a picture of me about 6 years back or so, L2L, just for kicks. Talk about effect on one's family life! Man, THERE was a messed up slob heading for an early coronary and a suspended sex-life if there ever was one! I know that you're an experienced lifter, L2L, and I respect you for that. But you're just not into it as deep as I am - the measure of that is that you're not obsessed - and that's a fault in neither of us. It's just a difference between us. That issue we were talking about later, though - Where does it all end? - ah, that's a rub, you're right about that, but we'll work on that together, right, bro?

There are a couple of other things about my situation that maybe I should clarify. I don't lift to impress the babes in the gym. Maybe I would if I SAW many babes in the gym, but I don't, and the few I do see sure as hell don't look my way. Sure, I like to impress the young dudes I lift with, but I train with pretty elite young guys and, as I barely keep up with them, and they have no idea what depth of advantage their youth gives them over me, I know I don't impress them much, no matter what iron I handle. I'll admit that, once a week, at the "Y" where everyone is around my age, and where I do arms on Sunday morning, I DO like to show off - Oh yeah, I'll put on a whole macho show for those folks - but I sure don't do it to evoke their sexual interest (Now there's an ugly thought!). No, I do it more to yank their chains, because I don't have a lot of respect for those 20-minute treadmill types and I want to show them what an age-mate is capable of, in both performance and body composition. Now, that's really fucked up, a kind of arrogant "play" on my part, toying with them like that, and I wish I were more charitable to them, but I'm not, and I can't hide that from you. Also, the time I spend in the gym is not taken out of my family time. I lift during office hours - it's what I do instead of taking long lunches and a day-per-week at home, like my academic colleagues do. Instead, I take those hours and invest them in the gym. I would have available to my family not one minute more or less if I were to lift or not lift.

I'm kind of in between your position (You really have to compromise with your wife) and the position of the younger brothers (Fuck her, let her get used to it) in the matter of conforming my expectations and wishes about my body and its composition to my wife's expectations and wishes. Yes, certainly, one's wife has a say-so in what one does with one's body. It's never a "just me" situation when you've intertwined your life with another's. But, that being said, I believe that my body is my property first, before it's my wife's, and it's more my decision than hers what I do with it. The Women's Movement pretty much settled that issue, if you ask me, and I never objected. I use as proof of this my feeling that, if my wife were to become unexpectedly pregnant and wanted to abort, I would accede to her wishes without a lot of weight on my end of the argument, because it's HER body that's at issue here, more than mine. Well, in the same respect, my body is MY body, not hers. I've been doing something to it that she can never approve of, and I'm sorry about that, but I'm not at all sorry about doing my cycle, and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. My use of a pretty moderate test/deca cycle was, at least as far as I can tell right now, one of the best things I've ever done for myself, and I believe it will have long-term beneficial effects that will protect and reward my family, not put it at risk. Beyond that there is the "Be true to yourself" thing that a couple of the younger brothers have raised, but I admit that that's not settled in my mind, as I doubt it is for many married guys with lots of responsibilities, voluntarily assumed.

I DO think, as a number of the brothers have now pointed out, that my wife is jealous of my passion for iron - notice I use the word "passion," one usually reserved for intimate relationships - and I'm trying to rectify that now. She may very well be feeling insecure about me. For the past few weeks, I've been sitting down with her every night for a long talk - the one I relate at the top of this thread was just one of many - to try to restore her faith in my passion for her. You're quite right, I was beginning to exclude her from my "passion," and that was a grave error. You've seen her pic, bro, and you know this is a stunning woman who warrants nothing if not passionate intensity from her man. Bottom line on this point: You're right, my friend, and I've been reading from that same page myself.

I agree, L2L, that we're "great conversational friends," as you say. Yes, we do respect each other even though we differ on things. This side of me that you remarked on in your post - the obsessive, over-the-top guy - was me all along, bro, I said as much in my thread, "A Solitary Quest," remember? But I'm aware that, because of this side of me, you have come to respect me a little less than you did before. I know you protest that that's not true, and you may LIKE me as much, but now that you've seen the immoderate, obsessive, excessive side of me that's at variance with what you originally thought of me … well, it's bound to take me down a few points in your estimation. And I mourn that, that loss of some measure of respect from a brother I admire but, if you respect me a little less, L2L, at least you know me better.

Be well, be happy, and lift heavy, my brother.

Bjaarki

" 'Til the weard of the world, stands, unforgotten,
high under Heaven, the Hero's name!"
Hrolff Krakki's Saga (Iceland)

BECOME SOMEONE'S HERO!

Bjaarki---as I said to you yesterday on ICQ, I have no doubt you’ll do the right thing in making your good wife comfortable with the new you and continue to make your relationship with her grow more fully. There are many options and you’ll find the one that is best for all.
Yes, we’ve gotten to know each other and I’ve made it no secret that obsession with any person, object or activity is not a good thing in the long term IMHO. But, that’s just me….”Mr. Moderate”—always under control. The way in which we both choose to focus on our favorite pastime is unique to each one of us. You do what works for you as I do. I do strongly feel that “obsession” is not required to be a dedicated, passionate bodybuilder. I luv2lift, but temper my passion for our sport with efficiency of effort and time. It’s our disagreements and mutual respect that get us talking and causes each of us to think and learn from one another. I enjoy our exchanges and all that I get from them. Making new and true friends is one of the best thing about forums like this. You are a model for other men of our age.

For anyone who had read all of this, you may wonder why Bjaarki and I didn’t keep our exchanges on email. Well, we did, but also thought that airing them publicly might help some other brothers/sisters in some way with situations they are facing?
L2L

"When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced.
Live your life in such a manner that when you die the world cries and
you rejoice."
Indian Proverb

Good comments Luv2lft. As I mentioned I use to have this obbsessive passion for martial arts, and then about 2 years ago it just sort of dissappeared. Luckily my wife had not dissapeared. If I had driven her off, by choosing martial arts as #1, I would be very sad today.